Episode IV: A New Hope

For cost and simplicity reasons, I finally decided to get myself a Spanish mobile phone contract. My existing UK contract is pretty good, considering I use it mainly abroad but, as politicians enjoy repeating ad nauseum, it was time for change.

This wasn't a simple process. Although this is based on facts, here's how the conversation didn't go...

Me: Hi Telefonica, I'd like a phone please.
Telefonica: Great. Have you got your bank details and official foreigner certificate?
Me: Yep, I've got those. I already have a contract with you remember, for the USB 3G stick.
Telefonica: Oh right yeah, of course. Well, which phone would you like?
Me: I quite like this one.
Telefonica: Good choice. Well, let's get your details entered into the computer then shall we?
Me: Good stuff.
Telefonica: OK... that's the first lot done and ... next, that's OK now ... oh wait a second.
Me: What?
Telefonica: Computer says no.
Me: Oh really? Does it say why?
Telefonica: No it doesn't tell me, you need to call Telefonica.
Me: But you're Telefonica.
Telefonica: Yes but we're just the shop, you need to call the head office. They'll sort you out.
...
Me: Hi Telefonica, I was told by Telefonica that I need to call you? I can't have a new mobile for some reason.
Telefonica: OK just bear with me a sec... yes it looks like you need to give us a returnable deposit for the handset, in case you run away.
Me: Fair enough. You could have told me in the shop...
...
Me: Right. I've called Telefonica and sorted that out and transferred the deposit this morning. I use the same bank as you, so it'll be in your account now.
Telefonica: That may be so, but it takes us 48 hours to process. Come back on Wednesday.
...
Me: Right. It's Wednesday. Can I have my phone please?
Telefonica: Certainly, just let me enter your details into the ... oh heck.
Me: WHAT? What's wrong now?
Telefonica: The computer's not working.
Me: Oh for...
Telefonica: Hey there's no need for that kind of language. I can call Telefonica and sort it out that way.
...
Telefonica: OK that's all done, here's your phone.
Me: Finally. Thanks!