Sevi-yawn?

On a recent trip to Sevilla, I got chatting to a barman who appeared to be familiar with Welsh naming conventions.

Here's how the conversation didn't go (the original was in Spanish, so it's true!)...

Barman: So where are you from then?
Me: North Wales, in the UK.
Barman: Ah nice, my nephew goes to university in Cardiff.
Me: Good choice! That's in the south though.
Barman: I see. So if you're from Wales, your name must be Jones then?
Me: Ha ha, close! It's Williams.
Barman: Ha ha. Do you want another beer?
Me: Of course...

Episode IV: A New Hope

For cost and simplicity reasons, I finally decided to get myself a Spanish mobile phone contract. My existing UK contract is pretty good, considering I use it mainly abroad but, as politicians enjoy repeating ad nauseum, it was time for change.

This wasn't a simple process. Although this is based on facts, here's how the conversation didn't go...

Me: Hi Telefonica, I'd like a phone please.
Telefonica: Great. Have you got your bank details and official foreigner certificate?
Me: Yep, I've got those. I already have a contract with you remember, for the USB 3G stick.
Telefonica: Oh right yeah, of course. Well, which phone would you like?
Me: I quite like this one.
Telefonica: Good choice. Well, let's get your details entered into the computer then shall we?
Me: Good stuff.
Telefonica: OK... that's the first lot done and ... next, that's OK now ... oh wait a second.
Me: What?
Telefonica: Computer says no.
Me: Oh really? Does it say why?
Telefonica: No it doesn't tell me, you need to call Telefonica.
Me: But you're Telefonica.
Telefonica: Yes but we're just the shop, you need to call the head office. They'll sort you out.
...
Me: Hi Telefonica, I was told by Telefonica that I need to call you? I can't have a new mobile for some reason.
Telefonica: OK just bear with me a sec... yes it looks like you need to give us a returnable deposit for the handset, in case you run away.
Me: Fair enough. You could have told me in the shop...
...
Me: Right. I've called Telefonica and sorted that out and transferred the deposit this morning. I use the same bank as you, so it'll be in your account now.
Telefonica: That may be so, but it takes us 48 hours to process. Come back on Wednesday.
...
Me: Right. It's Wednesday. Can I have my phone please?
Telefonica: Certainly, just let me enter your details into the ... oh heck.
Me: WHAT? What's wrong now?
Telefonica: The computer's not working.
Me: Oh for...
Telefonica: Hey there's no need for that kind of language. I can call Telefonica and sort it out that way.
...
Telefonica: OK that's all done, here's your phone.
Me: Finally. Thanks!

Easter

Spring has sprung, the clocks have changed and it's time for Easter. Since this is my first Easter in another country, I thought I'd ask somebody about some of the cultural differences that I might expect to find. Here's how the conversation didn't go...

Me: Great, it's Easter! That means chocolate and shopping, right?
Spain: No way, those are UK 'traditions'. It's different here.
Me: So I won't get any chocolate on Sunday?
Spain: Listen. You may have noticed that all week, there have been plenty of processions with huge floats? Well each local church here has their own procession and you can see them going around the streets each evening. It's important to us here so people put a lot of effort into it.
Me: Ah yes I did see them actually, they were quite something. The ones last night were very impressive.
Spain: Indeed. And did you see all the people in pointy hats?
Me: The ones carrying candles? Yeah they were great too. Do they give out the chocolate?
Spain: Of course not. Why don't you go and check out some more processions this evening?
Me: I think I will. But when do I get my chocolate?
Spain: I give up.

Got Milk?

Moving to a new country or even city can present plenty of communication problems, but even when you think you're getting the grip of the local language, some situations can still throw you off balance.

I've broken the 'made up conversations' rule already because this exchange did actually happen, although I've embellished it somewhat. When one of the five random women standing around talking approached me, here's how it went...

Yo: Hola.
La mujer: Hola.
Yo: ¿Tienes leche?
La mujer: silencio
Yo: Erm...
La mujer: Dime.
Yo: ¿Tienes leche?
La mujer: ¿Que?
Yo: Leche. ¿Tienes?
Otra mujer: Ah, LECHE. (Como lo he dicho)
La primera mujer: Ah, vale. Toma...

At this point I didn't even check what type of milk it was (i.e. I took the risk of buying skimmed) and just paid, so I could get out of the shop and home to a well-earned cup of tea.

Now, you might suggest that maybe my pronounciation isn't up to scratch but I've since been told it's fine, so I have no idea what it was all about.

p.s. If you trust my Spanish translation, here it is in English:

Me: Hi.
Woman: Hi.
Me: Do you have any milk please?
Woman: silence
Me: Erm...
Woman: Tell me what you want.
Me: Do you have milk?
Woman: What?
Me: Milk. Do you have any?
Another woman: Ah, MILK. (How I said it)
First woman: Ah, ok. Here you go...