Coke Head

During a stop-over in the UK on my way to Poland, I was killing time in a pub. A British pub, supposedly renowned for their friendliness. I overheard a distinctly unfriendly exchange.

Sadly it's more than vaguely reminiscent of the truth, but here's how the conversation didn't go...

Bloke: Hi I'm just passing on a bike ride and I wondered if I could have a Coke please?
Barmaid: Sure no problem. It's Pepsi, is that OK?
Bloke: Yeah. Oh, but could I have it in this plastic sports bottle please? Then I can drink it while I ride?
Barmaid: Erm, what?
Bloke: I said, could I have it in this bottle please? For my bike?
Barmaid: I thought that's what you said. That's a very strange request, I'm going to have to check with my manager.
...
Manager: Hi there, what seems to be the problem?
Bloke: Well, I just asked for Coke and ...
Barmaid: ... and then he asked if he could take it away in his plastic bottle. In broad daylight.
Manager: He did what? Well you did right to call me. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave, sir.
Bloke: But I...
Manager: You're lucky I don't call the police.
Bloke: Are you...
Manager: Go on, get out. It's people like you that have got this country into the state it's in.

Paraffin Lamp .com

Whilst out and about today I saw a chap who could, if you were the judgemental type, be described as 'looking like a tramp'. However he had something in his possession which you wouldn't normally expect.

Here's how the conversation didn't go...

Man: Excuse me, you couldn't credit my PayPal account with 10p for a cup of tea could you mate?
Me: What?
Man: I've been on the road a few days now, I just need some change to put towards a cup of tea.
Me: Is that... is that a laptop?
Man: Well, a netbook, but yes. What of it?
Me: Don't use that word 'netbook' please. Is that a USB 3G stick too?
Man: Obviously. How else would I check my balance? Are you going to credit my PayPal account or what?
Me: Even if I do, how on earth are you going to buy this 'cup of tea'? If that's what you're really after.
Man: It is actually, I'm parched. I just need 10p more then I can order online with Starbucks. They deliver to this area, pretty quickly usually. You should try it.
Me: Tramps were different in my day.
Man: Erm, if you don't mind, we like to be called 'gentlemen of reduced residential status'.
Me: Honestly, I...
Man: Sorry, I've got to go. I have a Skype call coming in ...