Coke Head

During a stop-over in the UK on my way to Poland, I was killing time in a pub. A British pub, supposedly renowned for their friendliness. I overheard a distinctly unfriendly exchange.

Sadly it's more than vaguely reminiscent of the truth, but here's how the conversation didn't go...

Bloke: Hi I'm just passing on a bike ride and I wondered if I could have a Coke please?
Barmaid: Sure no problem. It's Pepsi, is that OK?
Bloke: Yeah. Oh, but could I have it in this plastic sports bottle please? Then I can drink it while I ride?
Barmaid: Erm, what?
Bloke: I said, could I have it in this bottle please? For my bike?
Barmaid: I thought that's what you said. That's a very strange request, I'm going to have to check with my manager.
...
Manager: Hi there, what seems to be the problem?
Bloke: Well, I just asked for Coke and ...
Barmaid: ... and then he asked if he could take it away in his plastic bottle. In broad daylight.
Manager: He did what? Well you did right to call me. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave, sir.
Bloke: But I...
Manager: You're lucky I don't call the police.
Bloke: Are you...
Manager: Go on, get out. It's people like you that have got this country into the state it's in.

A Little Less Conversation ... Please

Once again I'm going to break from convention and post a semi-real event. (Sometimes real conversations are more amusing than made-up ones.) On a recent trip back to the UK, I overheard a rather amusing misunderstanding in a book shop.

Here's how the conversation didn't go...

Customer: Excuse me.
Staff Member: I'll be with you in a second, I'm just serving this customer...
Customer: But I...
Staff Member:: Sorry madam, I just need to give this man his change and I'll be with you.
...
Staff Member: OK sorry about that. Now, how can I help?
Customer: Erm, do you have customer toilets?
Staff Member: Just bear with me a second, I'll find out for you.
...
Staff Member: I don't think we do sorry.
Customer: Oh never mind then, I'll try somewhere else. Thank you.
Staff Member: Oh but just a second, do you know the author's name?
Customer: Erm, I don't understand?
Staff Member: I mean, if you know the author's name then I can search that way? Maybe the author or the publisher?
Supervisor: If I can interrupt here, I think I can help. Customer Toilets is not a book, Jonathan. I think this lady needs the loo. Yes madam we do have a toilet, it's just round that corner past the language section.

(Election) Night Fever

It was difficult to find any news about this subject, but I have been led to believe that various election campaings are currently underway in the UK, culminating in some intense swingometer analysis on 6th May. I can just imagine the various exchanges in the nations debating houses (pubs).

Here's how the conversations aren't going (but aren't far off)...

Man in the Pub: I'll tell you this for free - it won't make any difference who gets in, the next lot'll be just the same.
Everybody Else: Why would I pay for your opinion anyway?
Man in the Pub: Look, all I'm saying is... oh hey look, some canvassers.
Red Man: We're the party of change. Vote for change.
Blue Man: We're the party of change. Vote for change.
Yellow Man: We're the party of change. Vote for change.
Man in the Pub: But what if I don't want things to change?
Any Elected Government: Get back to your work, prole.