Black Laptop, White Noise

Just before settling to another episode of Fringe this evening, I had another little chat with my work laptop due to the fact that my regular MacBook was at somebody else's house. Here's how the conversation didn't go...

Me: Hey Vista, do you fancy watching another episode of Fringe?
Vista: Yeah great, I can't wait to see what Walter is up to this time.
Me: Good stuff, just let me get my headphones...
...
Me: Ok here we go, I'll just plug these ... in ... here, there we go.
Vista: Ssssssssssssssss
Me: What?
Vista: I said, "Ssssssssssssssss"
Me: That's what I thought you said. What's that supposed to mean?
Vista: Well, duh. You've just plugged the headphones in, so that must mean you want to hear something through them?
Me: Yes, but not just that static hissing noise.
Vista: But we haven't started watching Fringe yet, so there's no other noise. I thought you might like to hear "Ssssssssssssssss" instead? No?
Me: Why would I ... oh, you know what - forget it. I'm going to sleep...

Antisocial Networking

I just set up a wifi network at home to get some stuff onto my work laptop when I didn't have a USB stick available. Here's how the conversation didn't go...

Me : Hi Mac, I'd like to start a wifi network please.
Mac : Okay, no problem, what do you want to call it?
Me : Call it ... Netto please. Can you enable FTP please as well?
Mac : Ok, all done. Your IP address is 192.168.1.123.
Me : Cheers. Ok Vista I've got this new wifi network called Netto, can you connect to it please?
Vista : Erm, you know it's not secured right?
Me : Yeah, it's fine.
Vista : But anything could happen if you're transmitting data without security.
Me : Listen it's ok, now if I could just connect to it please?
Vista : Well, ok if you really must. Hey look, I just connected to a new network! Aren't I good! It's name is Netto.
Me : Erm, ok. Now can you FTP some files from this IP address please?
Vista : Ok no problem. Just let me start FTP for you... Oh whoah, stop stop stop! I've just stopped a program from going through the firewall. Aren't I good! It's name is 'FTP'.
Me : But I just started that.
Vista : Sure?
Me : Yes, just a second ago.
Vista : Ok, if you're sure. But I'll need the admin password to continue and ...
Me : You know what, forget it. FORGET IT!

This isn't just casual Vista-bashing by the way, I just happen to have it installed on my work laptop.