The First Rule of Bite Club is...

While I was walking down the street to work today, I encountered a little chap I never expected to have a chat with. Here's how the conversation didn't go...

Dog: Woof! Woof!
Me: What?
Dog: I said, "Woof! Woof!"
Me: I heard, but I don't understand.
Dog: I'm scaring you away. Protecting my owner here. You know.
Me: Oh, I see. Well don't you think I might be a little more scared if you were, say, larger than a cat?
Dog: Erm, but I'm a dog. That's what we do.
Me: Yes, dogs do. But the first rule of being a dog, is that you need to be larger than a cat.
Dog: What rules?
Me: I've just made them up. This whole conversation is fictitious. Anyway, as I was saying...
Dog: So hang on, what other rules are there then?
Me: That brings me neatly onto my other point actually. You say that's your owner?
Dog: Yes, certainly. I'd do anything to protect her.
Me: Well why is she carrying you?
Dog: What?
Me: She's carrying you. Can't you walk on your own?
Dog: Of course I can, it's just ... I need to ... sometimes it's ... look, shut up ok?
Me: That's rule number two. You have to be able walk on your own.
Dog: I've had enough of this.
Me: Me too, I'm going. I've got work to do. Don't run after me will you?
Dog: Yeah whatever. Jerk.